Rebound Chapter 39(b): iPod

   Razan pulled her headphones out and wrapped them around her ipod all the while just looking at him. Her heart was calming down now as she took deep breaths. She took in his features. His nose, his lips, his sad tired light honey eyes. His body seemed to be tense. Very tense. Every muscle in his body was contracting. Not one muscle was relaxed. All she wanted to do was to reach out and touch his face. Stroke his cheeks with her finger. Maybe that would help ease his tension. Her hand twitched moving up an inch but she stopped herself. She clenched her fist before her subconscious moved her hand again. She held it tight next to her body. "Ee sorry i had my ipod on"

   He didn't know what to say. All the days and nights of rehearsing his speech, rehearsing what he wanted to say to her once he got the chance just flew right out the window. His mind went blank, completely blank. He forgot how to speak. He forgot how to form words.

   "aahh.. shlonech? shlon ildrasa?" That was the only thing he could say. "7mdila im good w ildrasa is fine, how are you?" He was surprised at how she was talking to him. She was calm, sincere. She wasn't mad or angry. "Im good, hanging in there..." He stood there just looking at her. Admiring her features. Her weary eyes were a darker shade of grey today, even in the dark night he could notice the exhaustion in her eyes.

   For a few seconds they both stood their looking into each others eyes. She wanted to give up right then and there. Running to him and wrapping her hands around him was the only thing that kept running through her mind. Razan has missed him terribly and she had no idea how hard seeing would be for her.

   7amad wanted to walk to her and just hold her face in his hands and stare deeply into her eyes. He wanted her to read his mind. She used to do it before she can definitely still do it now. He wanted all the words he has locked up inside of him to pour out of every pore in his body and to enter into her mind. All he wanted was for Razan to understand him. He couldn't speak, he couldn't express himself, so he wanted her to read his eyes. Razan was the only one who could read him very well.

   Razan couldn't take this anymore. Her heart began to ache again. A knot was forming in her throat. Her stomach was turning and she felt sick. "7amad I'm really exhausted i gotta go..." She began to turn around as she finished her sentence "It was nice to see you." The second she turned around he felt his heart sinking deep down into his chest cavity. He couldn't let this chance slip away, he waited too long for it. "Razan please wait... please, ma9adgt ini ashofech dont walk away 5aleeni i talk."

   She could feel her eyes filling up with tears. She closed her eyes in attempt to fight them back but she failed miserably. She turned around and exploded. She wanted to let it all out. There was no more space in her to keep it in anymore. There was no more space for new feelings to be added. She had to let it out. She turned around as a tear fell down on her cheek and rolled to her chin.

   "Please 7amad mabe asma3 shay. Even though you didn't want Jenna, even though you didn't want her back, there are still other reasons for why i did this. It took me a long time to finally bury my feelings, to finally find a way to how i can forget how much i miss you. I won't say that i want to forget you because i don't, and i can't, i love you too much to forget you. I don't want to hear anything. I don't need anymore to think about and analyze. Please respect that, respect what i want." She was hoping he would understand the pain she was going through. It was already hard enough. She didn't need anymore words that would contribute to her pain.

   "What about what i want. Aren't you going to respect what i want? Don't i at least deserve the benefit of the doubt." 7amad couldn't believe that she wanted to leave him hanging. There was no way he would move on without getting closure. "Don't walk away from this, we both know we need to talk this through. Razan ana I'm graduating, things are going to be busy and you know that. When will we ever get the chance to talk about this again. Im not giving up on you." His eyes were pleading with her. Begging her to stay.

   "You should have thought about all of that before. I can't do this. Not now. I have too many things to think about w awal shay draste w my finals. Bye 7amad, we shouldn't have had this conversation to begin with" With that she turned around and walked away with the tears running down her face leaving 7amad with eyes that were beginning to water and a heart that was slowly shattering.