i miss writing and i miss u guyz even more!
this year is almost over and i just cant wait!
bs eb nafs ilwakt 5ayfa wayd mn my finals
5ayfa ma aswe zain and i dont get what im aiming for
w 5ayfa from the worst thing that can happen
ina kil ta3be yroo7 and i fail one of my modules
7mdila ina so far all my grades are good overall
bs ham 5ayfa waaayd!
annnddd because im oh so lucky!
i hurt myself the day after my last post!
i had a trampoline competition in leeds
and i landed wrong on my right foot during warm up :(
i didnt even get to compete :(
i've been in a cast for more than 2 weeks
and my orthopedic bl q8 shaf my MRI scan and said i need the cast for 3 weeks :(
im dying from the cast and from not being able to do anything
so apart from sitting on bee-hiiind and revising in my room that has no proper wireless connection and no phone service im going slightly crazy from boredom
i miss writing so much! i want to write!
i want motivation and inspiration!!!
i promise ra7 ykon fe post soon! inshala gabl ma abe exams
help me be motivated to write and study!
bs for now this is random post inshala ya3jbkum w baktb post for Pearl soon inshala
ENJOOYY!
Papers were spread all over the bed. The file cabinet was wide open. The clock on the wall read 3:00 am. M7md was beyond exhausted. He hasn't slept in 3 days or had a descent meal. You see, his mother passed away 3 days ago. They've been in london for 4 months now and 5 days before they were due to go back home and be between their friends and family she died. She died of cancer. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 4 years ago but she was treated. Doctors claimed they got it all in surgery after her treatment. They said she was cancer free. She was as good as new. Surprisingly, a three and half years later it was back and she had the option of treatment again but his mother refused. She said the first time round was hard enough, she doesn't have any more strength in her to fight. She can't fight fate anymore. Whenever it was her time to go she would be ready.
M7md was so frustrated with everything that was going on and all the paper work and the procedures that have to be followed to take his mother back to home to bury her. It was ridiculous and he was under a lot of pressure. He was an only child and couldn't handle this on his own right now. He lost his father once and now his mother.
As he was signing a few papers and dating them he looked at his phone to check what the date was cause everything was a big blur to him lately and for the first time in so long he had a genuine smile on his face. Today would have been their 8th anniversary. He couldn't believe its been this long. He needed her with him right now more than ever. His heart ached at how things turned out. His loved for her never stopped. In fact, it grew. Every day they were apart he loved and missed her more and more.
Te'9l ilroo7 mshtaga
Taby shofat'hy oo shraga
ta3ala oo jal 5alaga
fdaita 7esnaha ilbarag
abe gurbaha daym
oo fekry bl '3ala hayem
oo galby eb jawaha 7ayem la2nha janat ilmshtag
He remembered the first time she asked for a divorce. M7md felt like she splashed him with ice cold water. He couldn't believe his ears. "6aleegniii!!! bs magdar! hathe mu 3esha!! 6alegnniiii!!" M7med had just got home from work to find his wife sitting on their bed crying her eyes out and fuming with rage. He quickly ran to her side with a shocked look on his face and was speechless "......La..laiish??" Something inside him knew what the reason was but he still couldn't believe she was asking for this. He didn't want this to be true. "YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WHY!!!" 3abeer's voice was pretty loud and since their living with his mother he didn't want his mother to hear any of this. "7bebti, keep it down please, mabe mashakal ma3a omi al7en, kilish mali 5ilg, tkfain." M7med gently got onto the bed and cupped the face of his beautiful wife as he wiped her tears with the tip of his thumb.
"I'm not going to keep it down!! 5al tsm3any i don't care anymore! hathe mu 3eesha!! ma7ad yrtha ynthal chthe! lo wa7da '3airi chan mn zman hadat ilbait!!" 3abeer has put a lot with his mother. The dictating, the controlling, the urge to be a part of every single thing in their lives. She even put up with his mother controlling their sex life. This just is not normal. Yes, she loved her husband very much. Yes, she couldn't imagine being away from him for one day and doesn't know how she is going to do it for the rest of her life. She couldn't bare the thought of not having the love of her life right by her side everyday, but then again she couldn't bare to live the way she is right now. M7med refuses to move out because he thinks it is unacceptable to leave his mother living alone in a house. 3abeer finally decided that sometimes you just have to make sacrifices.
3abeer saw the look in his eyes. He was torn between his soul mate and the person who raised him and spent years watching over him. She wants to make this easier on him. She doesn't want to make him choose because at the end of it, she was pretty certain that he wouldn't abandon his mother. She got up from the bed and pulled a suitcase from the large cupboards and began to throw in whatever she saw in front of her "Ana baroo7 bait ahaly, mabe ilsalfa et6awl wla tkbar, bs abe wrgat 6alagy, mabe wla shay..." within seconds she zoned out and blocked out everything M7md was saying. She knew he would convince her to say. She knew she loved him so much that eventually she would give in and stay but would later regret it. No one said it was easy to make this decision and leave the person she loves so much but it was for the best. His mother never really approved of her even though she was the one who suggested 3abeer for her son.
10 minutes later she was out of their room and went downstairs heading to the door only to see her mother in law standing there, hands on hips, evil look in her eyes "Wain 6al3a hal 7azza w ma5tha a'3rathech??" 3abeer wanted to scream and swear at her but out of respect and because of the age difference she contained her anger simply just said "Ana ray7a bait ahaly w ban6r wrgat 6alagy to9aly..." She continued to take steps to the door only to hear that unpleasant voice "...ili y6la3 mn hal bait mn '3air shory w rthya... ma yrja3 lo sh9er bl denya..." Her mother in law was trying to threaten and scare her but all she did was ignore her words and walked out the door.
troo7 w tz3al w ta2ty
w tr'6a w tb3ed 2ahaty
w agool ina hathe mnaty
la2nha a9dag il3shag
agdm w a9br w an6r
lajl 3ainaha ana an6r
w eb 3ainy ilsma tam6r
lakn raby ktab ilfrag
A week later 3abeer couldn't take it anymore, she has missed her husband terribly and texted him asking him to meet up and in their usual coffee place. When she finally saw him she threw herself into his arms and cried her eyes out. She cried for how fate is pulling them apart. She didn't want to loose him but she was going to have to if she ever wanted to live a normal life. They sat there for 3 hours, M7med trying to come up with a solution, 3abeer refusing because every suggestion still involved his mother and she was certain that if his mother knew he was with her right now after she left "The House" she would be furious and she doesn't blame M7med for wanting to still live with his mother because he can't just leave her. It's wrong. Eventually, they left and drove away, taking separate routes, different lives. They were going to have to live with this sudden change even though they both felt like their heart was shattering into a million pieces by the second.
He was finally back home, where he belongs and the last day of the funeral was over. He was driving home after yet another long exhausting day. M7med had bags under his eyes. He looked pale and sick. He hasn't been sleeping or eating. Everyone noticed but of course no one spoke a single word about how he looked knowing what he went through. Earlier that morning M7med noticed his face in the mirror and how he looked like he aged ten years in a week but shook the thought out of his head immediately and didn't give it another thought.
M7med parked his car in their garage and turned off the engine. He sat there for a few seconds thinking about how the house is going to be so quiet and empty. The funeral was over. He wasn't rushing around to get papers done and wasn't going to be on the phone all day arranging for stuff be done. He didn't want to walk into the house and realize how lonely and quiet it is. He was an only child and his father passed away when he was a little boy. Now his mother is gone as well and he has this humongous house all to himself. What was he going to do?
He finally opened the car door and walked towards the entrance. Pulled his keys out of his pockets and unlocked the door. Shuffled his way in as he pulled his 8etra and 3gal of his head and undid his top button of his dishdasha. He locked the door, took the keys out of the keyhole and through them across the table by the entrance.
M7med was making his way towards the stairs at the far end of the house when he noticed the living room lights on. He couldn't think of any reason for why the lights are on since the nannies wouldn't be there at this hour and since his mother was gone. She was the only one in this house that would spend a few hours in the living room at night before going to bed watching her favorite shows.
So he changed directions and walked towards the living room instead to close the lights. He stood a few steps away and took a deep breath before walking in. Even though he knew she wasn't there he still had hope of catching a glimpse of her face in that room. He walked in and was beyond shocked.
Ya 7oby w sebat ejnoony
Ya a'3la ilnas fe koony
A9oonek wnta fe 3yoony
Mdam ilgalb bek 5afag
Nefa'6 9abre w tafkery
Muta ya 7oby btjely
Muta ta'6we 3laiy laily
Tara bo3dek le ma yen6ag
"Jessie let me in and said i could wait here until you get back... hope it isn't a problem..." 3abeer was standing there. She had no make up on her face. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun and it looked like she was exhausted as well but despite of the exhaustion, she looked breathtakingly beautiful. "La 6ab3an its not a problem, ilbait baitch..."
3abeer could see the pain in his eyes. She knew all he needed was a shoulder to lean on. All he wanted was someone he could depend on to be by his side. She walked up to him and stood right in front of him. They both just stood there looking into each others eyes. Both still in pain from the separation. They were looking at each others features and how time as changed them. They didn't look older, but somehow they both looked equally extremely tired.
Her hand slowly moved and 3abeer placed her palm on the side of his face and stroked his clean and shaven face. M7med couldn't believe that he was feeling her skin on his face. Her hands were cold and shaky. He closed his eyes as he let everything sink in. She was scared and hesitant. M7med knew she was only there to make sure he was alright and didn't need anything. "Knt bl 3azza all three days, knt abe ashofek aw as2l 3anek bs 7sait it wasn't appropriate especially with everything that happened..."
"I know ina kntay ra7ya, mag9artay walla, galoly inech kntay mawjoda mn il9ub7 lai blail w ma5laitay a7ad..." M7med placed his hand over hers and pulled it down to his lips and kissed the inside of the palm. They both kept looking at each other until M7med let go of her hand and suddenly grabbed her from her waisted and pulled her up to him carrying her as he hugged as tightly as he can.
3abeer wrapped her arms around his neck with all the power she had in her. She could feel how much M7med was in need of someone to be there for him. M7med held her so tight and hard and didn't want to let go. His heart was racing and 3abeer could feel it racing through his dishdasha "3abeer i need you now more than ever, i've missed you sooo much! so much! don't leave me again please!!"
3abeer could hear his voice slowly breaking as if he was about to burst into tears. She stroked his hair and the back of his neck trying to calm him down "I'm not going anywhere this time i promise, i made a mistake once and i will never do it again, i regret it so much, for leaving you...... and your mother..."
M7med felt like he could breath again, after what felt like forever. He felt like he was whole again. Like things are going to slowly all make sense again. True he just lost his mother, but he knew he was going to the get the proper support to get him through this, he was going to get the only support he needs...3abeer
