Nehayat Qe9tek

   The rain was pouring. It was a chilly night. I was driving around the without nowhere to go. My playlist was on repeat with a few songs that reflect my mood. I had been upset for a while now. Nothing happened in particular. It was one of those times where something was bothering you but you just can't put your finger on it.

   As the window wipers kept going back and forth clearing the windshield, i saw the rain drops trickling down from the top. A few minutes later i found myself somewhere i shouldn't be. It was the one place that held all the good memories. The one places that lead to making all of those good memories.

   I kept turning the volume up and felt like i couldn't hear the music but i suddenly realized that it wasn't because the music wasn't loud enough. It was because my thoughts were so loud in my head that i couldn't hear anything else. I turned down the volume a notch when i realized the speakers were about to burst.

   I stopped my thoughts only to notice that the song being played was also the one song i didn't need to listen to at the moment. The song didn't remind me of anything. Instead it had so much meaning and i was able to relate to every word. Suddenly, i felt a sharp pain in my chest. That feeling when you feel you're heart sinking. With no warning whatsoever, tears started to form in my eyes. I was hurt, deeply hurt and i couldn't stop or change it. Out of nowhere a memory flashed before my eyes...

   It was a warm April morning and i was just running a few errands when he called me. We had the usual chat and then he asked me something. Something that he doesn't regularly ask. He asked if he could see me. He always thought that that question bothers me and i never corrected him. Somehow i like it that way. He told me that he just got the sudden urge to see me "We don't need to talk or anything... i just want to see you.. i could pass buy for a few minutes..." He had excitment in his voice. His excitment got me excited and i don't know why but i said yes.

   We agreed on meeting by Post office. It was the closet place for both of us and i needed to post a few packages so it was ideal. 10 minutes later i was parked and making my way to enterance. He called me and as i asnwered his incoming call my eyes catch his "You have no idea how happy i am... you can't imagine how happy i feel today. You have no idea how you make me feel and i'd be the stupidest person if i ever let you go..." He had the biggest smile plastered on his face and eyes were sparkling like crazy.

   I didn't know what to say. I had nothing to say, i was tongue-tied. All i could do was smile back and feel like i've hit the jackpot. You see, our relationship wasn't the ideal relationship. No one would understand it. Heck i didn't even understand it but i always knew in my head and heart that there was something.

   Until that day. That day when everything changed for no apparent reason. I couldn't understand it. It hurt me. It broke me. For a long time i couldn't understand anything and every question you could think of crossed my mind trying to figure things out but there was nothing. Nothing.

   A few months later. When i slowly began to forget, i got the answer to every question that ever crossed my mind. I wished that i hadn't. I wished that those questions would have remained unaswered.

   I saw him at the supermarket. Except he wasn't alone. There was another woman. Another woman was holding his hand. I froze in my place. I froze and my feet wouldn't move. I didn't know who that woman was but i didn't care. I didn't want to know. It was enough that the woman holding his hand wasn't me.

   Despite the tears that were rolling down my cheeks i had a smile on my face. The good memories were enough. I never found out if any of them were geniune but i was ok with them. At the time, they felt geniune. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the exact same spot where i was walking when he said those words to me. I felt like i was on cloud 9. I would do anything to feel like that again.

   

A Year Later...

hi everyone
im so sorry about this
i cant believe its been a year since i last posted
walla ini mansaitkum! walla il3atheeeem!
i had a tough final year at uni. It was hard and eventful. Maknt abe i start writing again and then stop.
9j ina 5ala9t w i graduated bs nafsyan mu mrta7a. There was the waiting for results for over a month. then there was the hassle of getting all my paper work finished mn ilsfara w mn ta3lem il3aly.
That dragged on till after 3eed ilfe6er.
Now im going through the annoying process of getting my papers sorted out 3ashan i start work.
I have no excuse to keep you waiting this long bs i swear ina mu5y is too occupied with thoughts ili mu gadra i focus and write mn galby and you guys only deserve posts ili 6al3en mn galby because you're all so amazing.
Again, i can't believe its been a year, mu '3a9de ini as7ab 3laikm at all WAALLAA
i love writing so much and it kills me that i actually haven't written anything for over a year
A7s ini i've lost it. I was reading Rebound again and walla it feels like i don't know the person who wrote it. I can't believe it was me 3ashan chthe mu gadra aktb l2na it wont be good.
I am keeping my promise of finishing this story. I will finish what i started i just need to settle back down and have a regular routine and a clear mind.

please sam7oony and understand where im coming from.
i don't want to loose my readers because without you i wouldn't be where i am right now.

Love from N :***