Rebound chapter 4: Pain and Guilt

Sorry its a bit short bs inshala im going to post a random as well. I dont have enough time to write a longer one with exams and all :s Hope you enjooyy it!

   She was speechless she hadn’t thought about this day at all. Jenna didn’t think anyone was going to find out. Everyone who entered her life after everything happened knew nothing about her marriage. How can he possibly have found out? She was sure to be extra careful and not to give anything away.

  
   “7amad…. I’m speechless walla, honestly I never thought about this conversation and no one knows a9lan..” as she started to explain 7amad couldn’t believe she never thought about telling him and was actually still planning to keep this away from him.
  
   “shno ya3ne you never thought about this conversation? Were you planning on keeping this from me forever? It didn’t cross your mind ina ra7 adre eb youm min ilayam? Ina lma aye at8adalmch ahalch mara7 ygoolnle inch kntay mtzawja?” he was hurt. Ya3ne kilshay kan he believed their relationship was built on wasn’t true?
 
   “La 7amad, 6ab3an knt bgwlek bs when the time is right. Knt ba5al9 min kil shay, min my old life 3shan a3arf shno agoolk. I didn’t want to tell you w ana mu 3arfa shno b9er with me and my past life.”

   “bs2lch so2al… mafakartay shlon ana drait?” he was surprised she didn’t ask him that question.

    “tawa8a3t ina a7ad galek aw w9alek 7ache. Laish? Shlon 3araft ini knt mtzawja?” she asked him

    “w 3ndch walad esma 3abdulla??” he threw the second part of what he knew at her like an unexpected bomb. The color drained out of Jenna’s face. She turned pale yellow. This is now bigger than 7amad just knowing she was married. He knows she once had a family.

   “How… shlon… shlon 3araft 3nde walad w esma 3abdulla?” she was hardly able to speak. She felt guilty. This was really serious, she looked towards 7amad. Their eyes locked. Jenna read his eyes knowing they were over and that this conversation was only to clarify things. 7amad is hurt, broken, betrayed.

   “a5r mra knt eb maktbch na6rch tyeen. Shft this file lying around on the desk. I thought it was one of your projects so I thought of reading it 3ala ma you come so that I give you feedback… w yalait magraitaa. Shft the first page w I couldn’t help but read what my eyes picked up. En9admt w ma9adgt w gilt akeed fe shay ‘3air ili eb baly, ma knt gadr a9adg. I read the 2nd page w I couldn’t make up excuses anymore. Kil shay kan wath7. Tadreen shnoo 5alany asta’3rb zyada?”  

   Surprisingly 7amad was not shouting or angry. He was calm and talking 3ade but there was this tone in his voice. Pain. Jenna’s eyes began to fill with tears. She remember that day she was going to take that file home and she left it on her desk 3shan ma tnsa ta5tha ma3aha. She forgot ina mafrooth she becomes very careful 3shan ma7ad stumbles across it but she was probably swamped that day and forgot.

   “3omrch maswaitay shay 5alaiteeni ashk kina fe shay. Mashft shay at all. You seemed normal. 7tan your wallet, your apartment, everything. No pictures. No papers. No evidence. No nothing. You did a pretty good job covering up your past."

   “7amad I wasn’t covering up my past bs maknt abek tadre. Maknt abe wla a7ad yadre. I wanted a new start. My life was hell gabl matadre what I have been through.”

   “mahma kanat throofch gbl knt ra7 ogaf ma3ach. Ana 7baitch because of you. Knt a7ebch because of you. Not because of your life or your surroundings. I wouldn’t have cared about your past. Bil 3aks. Things would have been better. I would have supported you. I would have taken you and your son in open arms."

   Knt a7bch? Shno ya3ne knt a7bch? Did take away his love for her? He doesn’t love her anymore?? Jenna couldn’t believe his words she was crying now.  “ You think lawyers and judges and courts and having my son taken away from me was easy?? You think I didn’t need you by my side? Remember those nights I would come to you crying so I hard I couldn’t even breath?? It was because I would have a trial that day and I would see my son but I can’t touch, hold or even kiss him!! 

   Do have any idea how hard that is for a mother? Knt aye abche eb 7thnek nafs ilyahl w inta ykoon 3balk im just home sick w ina dala3!! I didn’t care if you thought I was daloo3a on those days I just need YOUR arms for comfort… mar7t 7g ay a7ad thani, yaitlk inta 3la 6ool. La2na a7bk w ma7ad yra7ne ‘3airk.”

   7amad felt sorry for her and remembered those nights. She would cry like a baby until she finally falls asleep. He knew at the back of his head all that crying wasn’t just because she was homesick but her never gave it a second thought. He remembered how often that would happen. Every week. She went through that every week. And lived with the pain everyday alone with no one supporting her. But other than those days she never seemed down or depressed. 

   She covered up her pain and sorrow very well. 7tan uhwa magdar y7s ina feeha shay. She was always smiling and her eyes were always twinkling. He wondered how she managed to do that. He began feeling sorry for her 7tan lo laima al7en ma3arf salfat this trial. He sat down and looked at her. “ momken tg3den and you explain everything to me? Without lying or leaving out anything please.”