The rain was pouring. It was a chilly night. I was driving around the without nowhere to go. My playlist was on repeat with a few songs that reflect my mood. I had been upset for a while now. Nothing happened in particular. It was one of those times where something was bothering you but you just can't put your finger on it.
As the window wipers kept going back and forth clearing the windshield, i saw the rain drops trickling down from the top. A few minutes later i found myself somewhere i shouldn't be. It was the one place that held all the good memories. The one places that lead to making all of those good memories.
I kept turning the volume up and felt like i couldn't hear the music but i suddenly realized that it wasn't because the music wasn't loud enough. It was because my thoughts were so loud in my head that i couldn't hear anything else. I turned down the volume a notch when i realized the speakers were about to burst.
I stopped my thoughts only to notice that the song being played was also the one song i didn't need to listen to at the moment. The song didn't remind me of anything. Instead it had so much meaning and i was able to relate to every word. Suddenly, i felt a sharp pain in my chest. That feeling when you feel you're heart sinking. With no warning whatsoever, tears started to form in my eyes. I was hurt, deeply hurt and i couldn't stop or change it. Out of nowhere a memory flashed before my eyes...
It was a warm April morning and i was just running a few errands when he called me. We had the usual chat and then he asked me something. Something that he doesn't regularly ask. He asked if he could see me. He always thought that that question bothers me and i never corrected him. Somehow i like it that way. He told me that he just got the sudden urge to see me "We don't need to talk or anything... i just want to see you.. i could pass buy for a few minutes..." He had excitment in his voice. His excitment got me excited and i don't know why but i said yes.
We agreed on meeting by Post office. It was the closet place for both of us and i needed to post a few packages so it was ideal. 10 minutes later i was parked and making my way to enterance. He called me and as i asnwered his incoming call my eyes catch his "You have no idea how happy i am... you can't imagine how happy i feel today. You have no idea how you make me feel and i'd be the stupidest person if i ever let you go..." He had the biggest smile plastered on his face and eyes were sparkling like crazy.
I didn't know what to say. I had nothing to say, i was tongue-tied. All i could do was smile back and feel like i've hit the jackpot. You see, our relationship wasn't the ideal relationship. No one would understand it. Heck i didn't even understand it but i always knew in my head and heart that there was something.
Until that day. That day when everything changed for no apparent reason. I couldn't understand it. It hurt me. It broke me. For a long time i couldn't understand anything and every question you could think of crossed my mind trying to figure things out but there was nothing. Nothing.
A few months later. When i slowly began to forget, i got the answer to every question that ever crossed my mind. I wished that i hadn't. I wished that those questions would have remained unaswered.
I saw him at the supermarket. Except he wasn't alone. There was another woman. Another woman was holding his hand. I froze in my place. I froze and my feet wouldn't move. I didn't know who that woman was but i didn't care. I didn't want to know. It was enough that the woman holding his hand wasn't me.
Despite the tears that were rolling down my cheeks i had a smile on my face. The good memories were enough. I never found out if any of them were geniune but i was ok with them. At the time, they felt geniune. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the exact same spot where i was walking when he said those words to me. I felt like i was on cloud 9. I would do anything to feel like that again.
